Seeking Mindfulness

Most people, upon hearing that I am about to turn thirty, jump to the same question: when are you going to have kids?  It's a perfectly logical question, I suppose, but truth be told it is one I often struggle with.  Hear me out.

You may call me a daydreamer, but I often fantasize about traveling to remote places of the world and helping those in need.  Or living somewhere very culturally different to the West for a year or two.  And let's not forget about my ongoing need to realize my true passions in life and fulfill my own potential.  

Why can't you do those things at the same time as starting a family, you ask?  (It's okay, I ask myself this question, too.)  The truth is, I am not sure how to balance these priorities in my life.  And they really are all priorities.  I may not need to move halfway around the world, but I do need to feel like I am making a difference.  Like I am not falling into the life that is expected of me, but instead, that I am creating the life that I want to lead.  How do I balance finding inner peace-of-mind, gratitude and life balance, while surrounded by faster, better, more, more, more, here in the west?  And if we do start a family, how do I impart these important things on a little one?

We read so many books, watch so many documentaries, and can recount all kinds of a-friend-of-a-friend stories about people who move to India and return a changed person.  A more centered, grateful and happy person. Which I suppose is part of the appeal.  But how then do we manage to make these necessary changes without an intercontinental move?  I think immersion in this case, as in so many others, is very important and helpful in achieving your goals of inner piece and mindfulness. 

And therein lies my struggle to find this without disrupting my life, along with many other goals that I have.  I dream of using my creativity to impact the lives of others, and often brainstorm ways to combine my two passions, both in a way that is true to who I am, yet unique to me and only me.

My solution will be a work in progress and will likely (hopefully!) evolve over time, but I have a few action items that I plan on taking to get me started.

The first priority must be focusing a bit more time and effort into meditation.  It may not be meditation in a small tribe of Monks, but rather an old stone building in downtown Denver, however the concept remains the same.  Clear away the clutter and achieve the ability to calm my own mind.  I think this small step is the most important, as it is so much easier to tackle difficult challenges when you can control the thoughts and noise of your own mind.  So for me, that means attending regular meditation sessions until I am able to achieve successful meditation at home, or anywhere, on my own.

Priority number two is one that I have already made some progress on, at least in terms of research.  I may not know how to combine my own caged creativity with giving back to the community just yet, but that doesn't mean I can't start giving back a bit more.  After a lot of research over the past few months, I have found a nonprofit organization that feels like a good fit for me to start volunteering my time with.  It requires a minimum of 2 days a month, which should be very easy to begin incorporating into my schedule of work and play.  Hopefully it will grow from there.

And my final priority to get me started down this path, is making my friendships a more vital part of my life. Having moved around the country a fair bit over the last ten years has meant that my friendships are also scattered around the country.  I plan on nurturing those existing friendships a bit more, and focusing on creating a more stable network of friends locally in an effort to feel more settled and happy here in Colorado.

I hope to continue adding to this list, as I progress through this journey, and I'm sure I will learn a lot along the way.  One thing that I find extremely important when it comes to all of these things, is believing that I am enough.  I heard this quote from a motivational speaker recently, and realized that I fall victim to this more often than I realize.  So just a little reminder to myself every day, that I am enough.  Simple, yet powerful.

Do you think it's possible to master the art of mindfulness while living in the chaotic West?  I do, too.  With a little patience and a lot of effort.  Who's with me?  :)

Age is Just a Number

Do you ever stop to think about your gifts and talents?  No?  Ha!  Well, I do.  Or lack thereof as the case may be.  Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into one of those sappy posts full of self deprecation.  Well, maybe just a little.

My doubts about my own abilities is not meant as a pity party, but rather the sad fact that I don't feel truly gifted or talented at anything.  I am okay at many things, and that's cool, but is it enough?  And if not, how can I change that... or can I?

I lived a large part of my life being afraid to try new things.  If it wasn't something under my "safe umbrella," that I knew I would be good at, I would shy away from even trying it.  Silly, right?  How do you know you won't be good at it, if you won't even allow yourself to chance to try it?  Believe me, the rational part of my brain questions this on a regular basis.

My point in all of this, being that I might secretly have talents among hidden, untried hobbies and activities that I have no idea I'm any good at.  So dramatic, I know.  But I think it's high time I start pushing myself outside of my comfort zone a bit more.

I try to test myself and put myself through uncomfortable situations from time to time, because I know that I am capable of handling the discomfort, and that I will likely end up feeling so. much. better. if only I give things a shot.  But I need to do more of this.

Fear is a paralyzing emotion that can hold us back from living the life we wish to lead.  Simply because we are afraid to try.  Afraid to reach for our dreams, for fear of rejection.  Afraid to try out new hobbies, for fear that we won't be any good at them.  This is a big struggle for me, as I am not naturally a spread-my-wings-and-soar kind of girl.  I have to first analyze the danger, the pros and cons, and come up with a plan. Oh goodness, do I love to plan.

Sigh.

This post began as a post about my thirties, and I suppose it still is (can be).  This is something that I want to take with me as I enter my thirties in just a few short weeks.  Letting go, and pushing myself more.  Squeeze all that I can out of life.  No regrets.

Okay, stepping down from my soapbox now.  And here is the post that I had written and ready to post today...

{ Love this list of 30 things to do before you die (thanks for sharing, Aunt Jill!) }

As my thirtieth birthday approaches, I have been reflecting quite a lot.  Reflecting about my twenties and all that I have learned over the course of the last decade.  And thinking about the future, excited for what my thirties will bring.  I have never been one that is afraid of getting older, as I am always amazed at the progress and change that I go through each and every time I celebrate another birthday.

This post started (the original time!) as a way to reflect on all of the things I have learned and ways that I have grown over the last ten years, but I stopped half way through and erased everything I had written. Why, you ask?  Because it felt a little preachy and, frankly, even a little trite.  Yes, I have learned quite a lot over the years, and am so proud of the person I have become today.  But I still have so much to learn.  I honestly hope that I never say "okay, I'm good, I'm done learning, I like who I am now" and have that be the end of my ever-evolving journey of myself.  There are still so many things that I try to work on every day, in an effort to overcome, defeat, accomplish.

To be perfectly honest, part of me wishes I could move to somewhere like India for 6 months and really just focus on more important things than we are constantly surrounded by here in the west.  Do yoga everyday, meditate while enjoying beautiful scenery, and focus on my own sense of purpose.  Sounds idyllic, right?  I literally suggested this to Chris last week.  And not for the first time.  It usually springs up during particularly stressful times in our lives.

Chris always used to tease me when I would have these moments of clarity about life, using what became a coined phrase between the two of us, "just wait until you turn thirty."  As though that age had some sort of magical powers for unlocking the secret to life.  And though it is something we still often joke about, in a weird way, it's true.  Not the exact age of thirty, of course, but the idea that as we get older and have more experiences, the better we understand things and more importantly, the greater perspective we have.  

{ A fun list of 30 Things to Avoid Before the Age of 30, courtesy of Buzzfeed. }

I express all of this excitement about entering my thirties and swallow it with a big grain of salt because I know that as my fortieth birthday approaches, I will likely look back on this post and think, "listen to me, I thought I had it all figured out then."  And to be perfectly honest, I truly hope that is the case.  I hope I can continue to evolve and grow and become an even better version of myself each and every time I celebrate turning another year older.

Especially that monster we refer to as Fear.  I'm coming for you, my friend.

Here I go, embarking onto another exciting decade of my life.  Bring on the life lessons and, as always, the adventures!

Let's Play Croquet!

The birthday celebrations continued on Saturday, with a festive croquet party!  I was a bit worried about the weather, since we woke up to snow on Friday morning, but the park had dried out just fine, and the sun was in full force, making for a beautiful Fall outdoor party!  The perfect setting to celebrate our dear friend!

{ Happy Birthday, C!! }

It was such a great party!  We met a lot more of C's friends, and really enjoyed everyone's company. Another great Saturday in the books!  Though I do need to practice my croquet skills.  Not my best sport, I must admit...

Stay tuned tomorrow for a post about how we spent our Sunday!

Turning Thirty

Okay, so I celebrated one of my best friend's ("twenty ninth," wink, wink) birthday last night, letting loose with a whole two glasses of wine with dinner.  Fun, right?  Well, um, I feel like I partied all night last night.  Is this what happens when you are approaching your own "twenty ninth" birthday?!?!  Because if so, I might have to stick to mocktails in the future. ;)

The restaurant we went to was really great.  It has a rooftop bar that serves drinks out of an RV (amazing, right?), and you get amazing views of downtown Denver.  And "normal" size dinner portions, of even more amazing food.  We will definitely be going back again.  And on a random plus side, we found a view point to take visitors.  Not what I had in mind when I put that one on my list, but I actually think it's better!

{ the only photo I took all night. not even one of the birthday girl. fail. }

On a complete side note, I LOVE birthdays.  Like, seriously love them.  Who wouldn't?  It's a day to just celebrate YOU, and the day you came into this world.  I say embrace it.  Even if you have that pesky "getting older" anxiety.  Live your life to the fullest, and make every year in between these celebrations really count.

Birthday party, take two is next weekend, so hopefully I can actually remember to take some photos this time around.  And avoid a college hangover the next day.  Ha.  Unlikely, but a girl can wish.