Age is Just a Number

Do you ever stop to think about your gifts and talents?  No?  Ha!  Well, I do.  Or lack thereof as the case may be.  Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into one of those sappy posts full of self deprecation.  Well, maybe just a little.

My doubts about my own abilities is not meant as a pity party, but rather the sad fact that I don't feel truly gifted or talented at anything.  I am okay at many things, and that's cool, but is it enough?  And if not, how can I change that... or can I?

I lived a large part of my life being afraid to try new things.  If it wasn't something under my "safe umbrella," that I knew I would be good at, I would shy away from even trying it.  Silly, right?  How do you know you won't be good at it, if you won't even allow yourself to chance to try it?  Believe me, the rational part of my brain questions this on a regular basis.

My point in all of this, being that I might secretly have talents among hidden, untried hobbies and activities that I have no idea I'm any good at.  So dramatic, I know.  But I think it's high time I start pushing myself outside of my comfort zone a bit more.

I try to test myself and put myself through uncomfortable situations from time to time, because I know that I am capable of handling the discomfort, and that I will likely end up feeling so. much. better. if only I give things a shot.  But I need to do more of this.

Fear is a paralyzing emotion that can hold us back from living the life we wish to lead.  Simply because we are afraid to try.  Afraid to reach for our dreams, for fear of rejection.  Afraid to try out new hobbies, for fear that we won't be any good at them.  This is a big struggle for me, as I am not naturally a spread-my-wings-and-soar kind of girl.  I have to first analyze the danger, the pros and cons, and come up with a plan. Oh goodness, do I love to plan.


This post began as a post about my thirties, and I suppose it still is (can be).  This is something that I want to take with me as I enter my thirties in just a few short weeks.  Letting go, and pushing myself more.  Squeeze all that I can out of life.  No regrets.

Okay, stepping down from my soapbox now.  And here is the post that I had written and ready to post today...

{ Love this list of 30 things to do before you die (thanks for sharing, Aunt Jill!) }

As my thirtieth birthday approaches, I have been reflecting quite a lot.  Reflecting about my twenties and all that I have learned over the course of the last decade.  And thinking about the future, excited for what my thirties will bring.  I have never been one that is afraid of getting older, as I am always amazed at the progress and change that I go through each and every time I celebrate another birthday.

This post started (the original time!) as a way to reflect on all of the things I have learned and ways that I have grown over the last ten years, but I stopped half way through and erased everything I had written. Why, you ask?  Because it felt a little preachy and, frankly, even a little trite.  Yes, I have learned quite a lot over the years, and am so proud of the person I have become today.  But I still have so much to learn.  I honestly hope that I never say "okay, I'm good, I'm done learning, I like who I am now" and have that be the end of my ever-evolving journey of myself.  There are still so many things that I try to work on every day, in an effort to overcome, defeat, accomplish.

To be perfectly honest, part of me wishes I could move to somewhere like India for 6 months and really just focus on more important things than we are constantly surrounded by here in the west.  Do yoga everyday, meditate while enjoying beautiful scenery, and focus on my own sense of purpose.  Sounds idyllic, right?  I literally suggested this to Chris last week.  And not for the first time.  It usually springs up during particularly stressful times in our lives.

Chris always used to tease me when I would have these moments of clarity about life, using what became a coined phrase between the two of us, "just wait until you turn thirty."  As though that age had some sort of magical powers for unlocking the secret to life.  And though it is something we still often joke about, in a weird way, it's true.  Not the exact age of thirty, of course, but the idea that as we get older and have more experiences, the better we understand things and more importantly, the greater perspective we have.  

{ A fun list of 30 Things to Avoid Before the Age of 30, courtesy of Buzzfeed. }

I express all of this excitement about entering my thirties and swallow it with a big grain of salt because I know that as my fortieth birthday approaches, I will likely look back on this post and think, "listen to me, I thought I had it all figured out then."  And to be perfectly honest, I truly hope that is the case.  I hope I can continue to evolve and grow and become an even better version of myself each and every time I celebrate turning another year older.

Especially that monster we refer to as Fear.  I'm coming for you, my friend.

Here I go, embarking onto another exciting decade of my life.  Bring on the life lessons and, as always, the adventures!